Dayb 19: Love as Friction and Separation

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to disappoint myself with false expectations of myself and others of an experience of ourselves wherein my feelings and desires are fed through an experience wherein myself and another bask in our accepted and allowed self defined separation as male and female and apparently being different, within which we experience the friction of love as a novelty experience due to our accepted and allowed separation

 

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from women

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe the friction of separation between myself and another as a woman to be love

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that love can exist in separation

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see that I have created a NOVELty our of my accepted and allowed separation from another as a woman like a romance novel and within this novelty as separation and the belief that we are different and do not understand each other, believe the friction that we experience to be real and give it beautiful sounding names like love and happiness when I do not in fact question the nature and reality within which this love has been defined

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe feelings of love to be real

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to think and believe that I am able to find love within the self abandonment of searching for another to complete me within the belief that the inferiority and despair and low self esteem that I experience is actually who I am, not realizing I have accepted and allowed myself to belief in and exist as inferior/’less than’ life

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to separate myself from live as a character as the ‘male’ character that is defined by ‘masculine’ attributes that are used to define my self image and self worth based in a world system where I must define myself in some way as a commodity to have worth in the eyes of the system to be able to survive

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to compromise my own self worth, self recognition and self validation through seeking self worth, self recognition and self validation in the eyes of another as a woman as a judgment upon me

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to sell myself out to the deception of beauty and love as symbolized in the image of a ‘beautiful’/’attractive’ woman as per societies definition that I have merely recognized, adopted and abided by

 

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to fear giving up ‘love’ and ‘sex as the ultimate energetic experience

 

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize the self deception of the fear of giving up love and sex as I have defined it for fear that I may not experience this energy high again, seeing and defining this act of letting go and self forgiveness as ‘a bad thing’ and something I should fear losing, not seeing, realizing and understanding that in fact what I fear giving up is the illusion through which I have deceived, limited and enslaved myself

 

I commit myself to give up love and sex as the ultimate energetic experience through the stopping of participation in love/romantic/sexual experiences that are based in separation to another

 

I commit myself to stop using love, sex and romantic experiences/relationships with females to further define and reinforce my own self definition as a man as masculine as a point of self definition as self limitation within the fear of not surviving

 

I commit myself to stop creating friction between myself and others as women through separation as self definitions and judgments

 

I commit myself to recognize, validate, give worth to and be intimate with myself in self honesty and self intimacy in writing, and allow myself to see, realize, understand and exist as a physical being that is complete here as the physical and do not require a mind as energy to exist as I am life

 

I commit myself to accept myself as life, one and equal

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