Day 16: Insomnia as addiction to the mind

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to embrace myself in self honesty as myself, within the simplicity of and as existing here as silence of mind, here in breath as the physical and within this self limitation, existed within and as the fear based hellish reality that is the mind where I am unable to relax, rest and be at peace with myself

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to deceive myself with the illusion of entertainment that there is something ‘better out there’ or ‘more fun’ than existing here as the physical as breath and within this engrained belief, go searching within the realm of thought and the mind to look for answers to my desires and an experience of myself that is apparently ‘higher than’ me, here as a physical life form

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that I’ve allowed myself to give more worth and value to a self deceptive illusory reality that I have created as the mind than the actual real reality where I live and exist and am able to actually support and enjoy myself as the physical

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to deceive myself through believing and defining enjoyment as existent within the mind as thoughts, pictures, and feelings that entertain me when in fact there is nothing more enjoyable/no higher experience than supporting myself as the physical, here as breath in doing what is required to support and sustain the physical which allow me to live and experience and enjoy myself

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to become intimate with myself in stopping the mind and simply breathing, within and as the experience of supporting and nurturing the physical body by fulfilling the needs and requirements of the physical as rest and sleep

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed insomnia to exist by creating insomnia as my experience through becoming so addicted to the energy of the mind that my mind is continually racing with thoughts and energy that it has become a normal experience that I am accustomed so that when I require to sleep, I am addicted to this energy and these feelings and pictures and thoughts as entertainment that I cannot simply stop, slow down and enjoy myself by resting the body in silence here as breath

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to become so preoccupied with the racing energy of thoughts as entertainment that I am unable to slow down and enjoy myself within and as self movement/self direction that emerge from the darkness and silence of myself as a physical being that breathe only

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to realize that I am not the mind – I am physical being – and that within this, I have not accepted who I really am as a physical being of darkness and silence

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to fear not being able to sleep, only because I believe that I must live and abide by a certain time schedule, not realizing that not sleeping is rather an issue of self facing self and that I must change myself not to abide by some law of the mind where I must abide by time and be awake/be asleep at certain times simply because everyone else does, but rather because it is about me limiting me from relaxing and enjoying me simply because I am so addicted to the mind that I am unable to actually love myself through physical self support

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to fear not sleeping and that I have not realized that there is no reason to fear not sleeping, but that I must simply stop creating the cause that is preventing me from sleeping which is my mind as my addiction to my own mental reality where I have deceived myself into believing that I will enjoy myself and have a higher/better experience of myself there – not realizing that I only believe this because I have never known/never allowed myself to see and learn what real physical love/support means as stopping the addiction the illusory self deceptive, limiting reality that is the mind

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see and realize that there can be no real self love/self support within and as the mind as the nature of the creation of the mind was self deception as self illusion and self delusion to have a higher experience/idea of myself as ego to compensate for the horrible/inferior experience of myself that I have come to believe is me as part of life

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to think and believe that having to go to sleep is not fun and like a death in a way, when in fact I only fear giving up my illusory reality of entertainment which I have become addicted to which does not support me in any way whatsoever, and that I have deceived myself into believing that that which does not support me in any way is me and what I desire, want and need

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to realize that what I believe to be giving up everything as the mind, is not real and that in fact in giving up the mind, I am giving up nothing but an illusion, for everything as I embrace everything and all life as me as I embrace/exist as the physical

I commit myself to stop insomnia by silencing my mind as letting go of the entertainment of the thoughts, feelings and pictures as energy that I have become addicted to.

I commit myself to show myself, learn and see what real self support and self enjoyment is as stopping the mind sufficiently to be able to enjoy the silence of myself as self direction/self movement/self support/self love, in simply doing what is necessary to support the physical body

I commit myself to support myself as the physical body by embracing the silence/darkness that is me here as breath as a physical being and letting go of the entertainment/illusory reality of the mind

I commit myself to stop and give up my addiction to the mind as entertainment as energy as pictures, thoughts, feelings and emotions and to realize that it is not real, that it is not who I really am as life

I commit myself to prove to my self and show myself and see that what I have defined as ‘letting go of’ or ‘losing something’ as the mind is not in fact giving up anything but my own self delusion/self sabotage/self deception as if it were some kind of deal, when in fact this death is not real and is only the death of the mind as the death of my own imprisonment/possession/self deception/self illusion

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