Day 12: Love Sickness and Blame

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to dedicate myself to the never ending pursuit and quest for love which is in fact the never ending search for myself, to find myself as a misguided effort of the mind to see and live and understand who self really is as life as the mind only understands life as energy and thus only seeks out that experience of me as ‘life’ as energy

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to become love sick and obsessed with ‘love’ as the idea of finding the ‘perfect partner’ and having the ‘perfect’ experience of happiness and sensual pleasures as energetic experiences of the mind and within this, limit myself extensively from living and expressing and experiencing myself as life

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to become angry, sad, depressed and frustrated when I am not able to find and get what I am looking for as the idea of love which I am searching for as the mind and within this, not be able to move or direct myself as energy as I have limited myself to an idea within which I am dependant on a ‘positive energy’ to move and act

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to feel happy, good and positive because I have found and am experiencing the idea of love that I have created as the mind and within this, be able to move myself only from a starting point of separation and energy

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to become frustrated and angry and blameful towards others when I do not find the experience of love that I am looking for, blaming others as the reason and problem why I am not able to find the experience that I am looking for that I believe I want

I forgive myself that I’ve used the faults that I see in others as a way of blaming others for why I am unsatisfied and unable to find the desired experience of love that I am looking for

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to use the behaviors and problems that others embody as an excuse for my own behavior and problem wherein I am not taking self responsibility for who I am and what I have become as the mind

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to fully see, realize and consider that that which I see and react to within others – exist also within me and that my reaction to this will indicate the degree to which I am allowing the same point that I am observing in another, in myself

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to hate others for that which I observe within them as the mind and not realize that I am in fact only observing myself and reacting to and hating myself

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed my obsession with love as this energetic to take such possession and control over me that I will continuously always be looking for alternate ways to find and get this experience of love or the closest possible substitute as another form of an energetic fix

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to see what is real as the actual nature of relationships and make changes in my life according to this –only because it is not working out for me and I am not getting that which I desire from the energy game and I am not winning and therefore I become spiteful  towards and separate myself from others within a superiority complex where I vent my frustrations about the entire energy game only because I am not winning it – deceptively justifying it with knowledge or even a degree of understanding and exposing how the energy game works

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to act and attempt to stop playing the energy game only within the context of/a reaction to others as spitefulness as me separating myself from others because they are winning the energy game – thus I must stop them – or they are losing the energy game – thus I must help them – I forgive myself for separating myself from this energy game as how others exist within it and that I have not allowed myself to see that I am constantly existing within both polarities as a winner and a loser of the energy game, and that in fact I am not able to stop playing the energy game in separation and within the context of/in spite of others but rather I am only able to do this for myself and stop playing the game for myself as I am abusing myself by standing within and as both polarities of the energy game, unconditionally of the degree to which I am standing at the ‘winning’ polarity or the ‘losing’ polarity

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to be a victim and a hero, a slave and a slave master

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see that I am not able to do my process from the starting point of helping and saving others because that is based on the assumption that I am completely standing as the ‘successful’ polarity of the world systems as the superior idea of myself I have used to be successful which is ego- and that I am only deceiving myself because in fact I am a victim of my own illusion as it always inevitably leads to self abuse either directly or indirectly

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see that I can not do my process from a starting point of wanting to be helped or saved because that is based within the superior idea I have created of myself as ego within the context of survival and that I am in fact using this position to either keep the world the way it is because it is working for me or I believe that is working or satisfactory or that it can not ever change and thus I must be satisfied with it

I commit myself to equalize myself with that which I see and observe in others as the mind by applying self honesty and self forgiveness as my process from a self first approach, from the starting point as myself as all as one as equal

I commit myself to stop the endless quest for love as the search for self by accepting myself as life through a process of self purification in stopping the mind and all illusions so that I may discover, establish, live and express myself as life here as the physical, one and equal

I commit myself to live and learn what self love is through supporting myself to understand and recognize myself, and learn to live in a way that is best for all life

I commit myself to stop separating myself from others through reactions, thoughts and judgments about others and to stand equal to all others as myself and see how we are one and equal through understanding the point which I observe in others,  within and as myself as my own mind and life

I commit myself to stop blaming others for how I exist and justifying how I exist through the way others exist and using blame and separation as an attempt to get what I want and desire as energy and an experience of superiority

I commit myself to equalize myself with all other versions/degrees/levels/extremes/polarities of myself as others and as it is lived and exemplified in the mind consciousness systems of others so that I may stand equal to all as myself and better support and understand myself and others in creating a new world that is best for all life as all versions of self