Day 6 – self hatred and the search for love

June 4, 2012

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to accept a pattern of chasing love as energy, within the specified form of a ‘beautiful woman’ as determined by society as a whole – self included – as this form is a means to an end which is to have an energetic experience of myself of specialness and superiority

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to abandon myself in search if love as a feeling as energy

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to generate energy as excitement over a person because I have allowed myself to believe that she is ‘beautiful’ as a beautiful picture

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to limit and define beauty to pictures

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to believe that how I feel based on how a person looks – is real

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that beauty exist as women that I and others have defined as beautiful

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see the relationship connection between self hatred and the pursuit of love as having a partner in love

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see how love as how it currently exists as an energetic expression is in fact based in hate and spite

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I go in pursuit of love as a relationship with another, I am spiting myself and cutting myself off from myself and abandoning myself within the belief/idea/principle that I am not good enough, am inferior

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see that the pattern of finding love, attaining it, and then losing it – is self created self deception, an illusory creation that is used to keep self enslaved and distracted to never actually stand up and support self as life as living within the principle of equality as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see the ride that I am taking when I play the love game – an energetic ride where I start by getting high but then lose it all when I inevitably find out that this love was never real in the first place and as deceptively sold to myself under the guise of love to cover up the desire, self spite, longing and yearning for self that is in fact an expression of self rejection and self abandonment

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that I will find happiness and love in another

I forgive myself that I’ve not allowed myself to see that real love begins with self support as self love – which means to stop the patterns of energetic addiction to love and earth myself here as breath within and as the physical

I commit myself to stop the patterns, habits and tendencies I have created in the search for love and the belief that I will find love in another who is apparently beautiful and special. I commit myself to stand here as self love as breath, within the principle of self love as equality, lived and applied.

I commit myself to expose my own self deception about love and beautiful women, to expose that the search for love is a wild goose chase based within self hatred, inequality, inferiority and spitefulness that always end in disappointment and despair

I commit myself to stop deceiving and hurting myself with hopes and dreams of love

I commit myself to understand and expose how the search for love is in fact the search for energy in disguise as the minds possessive and obsessive search for energy that will never stop and can never be satisfied until my physical body is completely drained and destroyed and myself along with it – I commit myself to expose the evil nature of the mind and its insatiable appetite for energy as friction between two points – whether it be love or hatred between myself and another because the ‘love’ is in fact equal to hatred and is hatred in essence

I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to seek out and desire to generate and experience energy through creating friction between myself and a point or any two points

2 thoughts on “Day 6 – self hatred and the search for love”

    1. thanks Marlen, i couldn’t find it on google, in fact in couldn’t even find the equafe website on google search :S – could you send a link?

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