I have existed as I have for quite sometime now – living within illusory patterns of the mind of self interest, greed, spite, fear, hate, false love – experiencing myself in the never ending ups and downs of the mind, bouncing from positive to negative to positive to negative to……
So long have I done this, and with such an awareness that I have judged myself extensively and lived with a degree of shame and regret that I have truly began to wonder if it is possible to even change this, and even then, if I really deserve forgiveness.
But I see that this is the only way to stop the abuse, both in myself and in others – to first stop myself and in this way lead by example. This is the only ay and I must give this responsibility back to myself because no one else can. This is the only way to start building the world I would want myself and my children to live in, no matter how difficult or impossible or undeserving I may have convinced myself that it is to do, this is the only way and it is a way that must be created by me standing absolute.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up and apply myself within my process of self honesty and self forgiveness absolutely.
I forgive myself that I’ve allowed myself to judge and define myself as ‘not deserving’ forgiveness and as ‘evil’ and as a ‘deliberate abuser’ for mistakes that I have made in the past.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the mistakes that I have made have been due to mind possession through being programmed by knowledge and information and damning myself by judging and defining and believing myself to be this – when in fact this is not who I am as life and only a current condition of the mind.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not do my process, am not capable of doing my process, am undeserving of doing my process, or that process is a ‘difficult’ task and self application is difficult.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am unable to do my process alone and that I apparently need the help of others
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear fully applying myself in my process and fearing the unknown
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone and walking alone within and as process
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to deceive and tempt myself with self interest and greed as desires
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is ‘something better/more enjoyable’ to do than apply myself myself within and as my process of establishing and birthing life from the physical
When I see myself thinking and believing and participating within the belief that process is difficult, that I can not stand, that I am undeserving, that process is impossible, fearing applying myself and walking alone in self honesty and self forgiveness absolutely – I stop, I breathe – I see in self honest common sense that this is in fact the only way to practically establish a better world and do what is best for all including self – I do not participate within the beliefs and judgments that process is difficult or undesirable or not important or that there is something better/more important to do – Instead i breathe and apply self forgiveness as corrective action in the moment and continuously walk and apply this process until it is done. I show myself that I am change as I walk change and stand and live as the practical necessary actions to actualize self change.